when you aren’t sure if you want to stay in the relationship.
Discernment Counseling in California, Texas, and Florida.
Should you stay or should you leave?
When one partner is struggling with this question, couples therapy is contraindicated. Yes, there are times when couples therapy can actually make things worse if not push a couple toward divorce altogether.
Gain the clarity and confidence you need to discern a path forward for your relationship.
Discernment Counseling
is the perfect fit for your relationship if:
One partner wants to save the marriage but the other partner isn’t sure.
Trying to talk about the issues in the relationship leads to increased hostility or avoidance.
Nothing you have tried to improve the relationship is working. You may have even attended couples therapy and found that it made things worse or that you felt even more hopeless.
You aren’t sure what to do but know that the status quo is untenable.
You want to gain clarity in the short-term to confidently and intentionally take the next step in your relationship.
Guiding Principles of Discernment Counseling
Principles About Marriage:
Life-long commitment is especially difficult in today’s throwaway culture.
Children have an important stake in the health and endurance of their parents’ marriage.
Marital commitment brings obligations to work on a troubled marriage before giving up.
Principles about Healing in Therapy:
Because most troubled marriages can be restored to health if both partners dedicate themselves vigorously to make that happen, the first stance of therapists should be to help couples see if the path of healing is possible for them.
Because marriages have other stakeholders, especially children, it is important for therapists to help couples to see how others are affected by the decisions they make about the future of their marriage.
Because love and fairness must go hand in hand, healing a marriage must not come at the expense of one of the spouses.
Principles on Divorce:
Some divorces are necessary in order to prevent further harm in a destructive relationship.
Some divorces are unavoidable because one party chooses the divorce path against the wishes of their spouse.
However, many of today’s divorces could be prevented if both parties took steps to work on their marriage before it was too late.
When clients choose divorce, therapists have a responsibility to make them aware of additional resources, including divorce professionals who can facilitate a fair and healing divorce process.
How is Discernment counseling different?
In Discernment Counseling you will…
Meet individually and as a couple during each Discernment Counseling session.
Decide at the end of each session whether or not to meet again, with the typical treatment lasting between 1-5 sessions total.
Examine the relationship through each partner’s lens as well as through a more objective third party perspective.
Develop a deeper and more nuanced understanding of what has happened in your relationship that has brought you to where you are today.
Explore each partner’s contribution to the relationship.
Have your perspective and reasons for staying together or divorcing respected.
Gain clarity and confidence about your next steps in the relationship.
Discernment Counseling FAQS
-
No, in fact they are very different.
In couples therapy, we aim to improve the relationship. In contrast, in Discernment Counseling, we don't aim to repair the relationship at all.
Prematurely launching into couples therapy, an all-out effort to improve the relationship, when a partner has one foot out the door is a set-up for failure. Any attempts on their part to improve the relationship will be half-hearted at best. Why wouldn't they be though? They're not even sure they want to stay in the relationship.
In Discernment Counseling, our focus is on helping both partners gain a deeper understanding of what has happened to their relationship and what they would like to do about it so that they can intentionally move forward with clarity and confidence.
-
Discernment Counseling is a very short-term treatment modality typically spanning 1-5 sessions. The couple decides at the end of each session whether or not to meet again. The goal is to propel you forward in your relationship so that you can take the next steps.
-
There are three possible outcomes to Discernment Counseling:
Path 1 - The couple decides that they are going to stay in the marriage as is.
Path 2 - The couple separates.
Path 3 - The couple commits to an all-out effort for 6 months to improve the relationship including but not limited to regular couples therapy.
If Path 3 is chosen, the couple may continue to work with Noël in couples therapy or appropriate referrals will be provided.
-
Discernment Counseling is not appropriate if:
The relationship is not one based upon a life-long commitment by both partners.
One or both partners have already decided on separation or divorce or are completely unwilling to work on the relationship.
There is domestic violence, abuse, coercion, manipulation, or an Order of Protection.
How it works
Life is stressful enough right now. Let me make this part as easy as possible.
Click this link to choose a day and time for a free, confidential consultation.